seriously.
this is going to be a quick post because i don't have much time.
today was the last day of my jobs for moms a and b.
i prayed for joy before i went, that i would enjoy the children and simply find joy in them.
it went well.
we played hide and go seek, monster, sidewalk chalk.
we played with the water table, we watched their favorite program on tv.
snack time went off with out a hitch.
i had 5 of them today, so i didn't have time to do the dishes, and i didn't worry about it.
we came in from playing outside and mom a was working upstairs.
one of the 2 year olds, the son of mom a, had a hard time playing down in the play room with us while his mother was upstairs working, so she let him run around upstairs with her.
about 10 minutes before i was to leave, the 4-year old girl, the one who is super duper bossy and snotty announced that she too was going upstairs to play. i asked her to please stay downstairs, as we only had 10 minutes left to play together, and if she went upstairs, the remaining 3 children would want to follow, and we needed to give her mother the last 10 minutes to finish her work.
she turned to me, and in the snottiest voice i have seriously ever heard come out of a child, she shouted, "LUCY, I AM GOING UPSTAIRS TO PLAY. STOP TALKING TO ME. I WILL DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT. YOU BE QUIET, I AM GOING TO PLAY WITH MY BROTHER AND YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"
i was in the midst of telling her that i didn't appreciate her talking to me like that when suddenly her mother was standing at the top of the stairs.
the little girl turned around and bumped into her mother's knees.
her mother said, "catherine. you will turn around right now and apologize to lucy this instant." catherine turned around and lamely said, "sorry." so softly i couldn't hear her. her mother said, "catherine, no, that is not how you apologize. you will go downstairs, look her in the eye, and say 'lucy, i am sorry i spoke to you so rudely, please forgive me.' and you will wait to be forgiven." so she did. then her mother said, "now, if i EVER hear you speak like that again to lucy, you will receive a time out, is that understood?" "yes mommy." and, "and if i ever hear you speak like that again to another adult, you will also get a time out, is that understood?" "yes mommy." then, "when lucy is here, lucy is in charge, even when i am here working. you are NEVER to tell lucy what to do, is that clear? and you are never to speak to her in that voice again."
and what did i feel?
i felt like i wanted to scream, "haha catherine. fuck you. i win after all."
i swear, i'm 12.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Family Reunion
i started this blog to help. myself. others. everyone. though i have no followers. i don't think anybody reads it. perhaps it's really more like an on-line journal. i think i had one reader, once.
i am 41 years old, and single. i'm dating a widower with a daughter. i had no children in my life at all for the longest time other than the offspring of friends.
then, i was laid off, as i've mentioned, and out of desperation for money to live, started babysitting. babysitting became something i was really good at, something i really enjoyed though i hadn't done it since high school, and i started doing it all of the time. i started a business out of it, and started helping other unemployed people i know keep themselves afloat during this weird recession period. it can be pretty lucrative as well. i don't do it simply because it's lucrative, but that's just a fact, it is. if you can get a couple of families to share their time with you, it benefits everyone - you make more money per hour, they pay less per hour, and everyone wins. (unless they expect you to do the dishes...see previous post).
so i went from no children, to working with children and dating with children. and sometimes, it's hard. i don't remember who i am without children. only none of them are mine.
i was at a party last weekend, and there were children there, a lot of them children i'm often paid to be responsible for - only this time all parents were present, and i didn't know who i was without having to say "oh, don't touch that, oh, you need to ask for more, oh, be careful with that!" seriously, i was slightly at a loss.
i'm in this weird transition time, caught in between being single and being with family, and i'm neither. does that make sense? i basically live with the boyfriend and macy, but yet i have my own apartment too. i want to live with them, i love them. i feel like they are my family.
this weekend they are away at a family reunion for macy's mom's side of the family, and i'm back at my place. i'm happy they are doing what they need to do. i have things i need to do for me, but subconsciously, it's a struggle. i miss them. i missed macy waking me up early this morning. i miss hearing her wretched cartoons blasting incessantly from the tv and telling her to turn it off. i miss sitting with the boyfriend and reading the New York Times, and the way he smells when he comes back from running, all sweaty and manly.
i know, it's only one weekend.
i think it's amplified by the fact that i have to be on an antibiotic right now, and my body is reacting funny to it. it's making me all tired and weepy. i've had 128 ounces of cranberry juice in the past 24 hours, and it hurts when i pee (i think you know why i'm on the anti-biotic), and i'm just tired.
it's hot in my apartment and my airconditioning units aren't in. the boyfriend said i should stay at his house when he's gone, but i really do need to get stuff done at my place.
last night i went to see "the killers" with a girlfriend. it was better than i expected it to be. the posters for that film make it look completely lame, but it had some interesting twists, and was funnier than i expected.
i came home and caught up on back episodes of "the city" on mtv.com. kelly coutrone really does give good advice. she is like a fairy godmother.
i think what's really bothering me down deep inside, is the dreams i kept having last night, combined with the telephone conversation with the boyfriend before i went to bed. he called after the movie. it was sweet. he was telling me about being there, and about what i guess is his sister-in-law's family business she has. it sounds really cool. she and her husband and their two sons restore old cars. (when your wife passes, is her sister still your sister in law? i think so, he isn't sure what to call her because they've never been close.) anyway, they have this business where they restore old cars, which does sound particularly cool - especially for high school boys. they don't even drive yet, but can take apart, clean, restore, and put back together these cars. awesome. they are set as far as boys go, and having a skill like that will more than likely keep them out of trouble.
he was telling me all about it and sounded excited. he asked me about my night and what i was doing tomorrow and as i was telling him he interrupted me and said, "listen, i'm gonna get going, i'm fading fast, i'm tired." i hate it when he does that. it's so selfish. i said, "oh, am i boring you?" and he said, "no, i'm just getting tired." yeah, you're always tired lately.
i mean, he is. it's so annoying. i don't get it. he's ALWAYS tired. i know he has an 8 year old, but i basically live with them, and she doesn't make me that tired.
i can't tell if he's trying to escape, or if he is really tired, or if he's depressed, or if it's just his chemical make-up, or what's going on. i don't think it's normal to be that tired. he's a writer, so it's not like he's going to an office and putting in long grueling hours there, he pretty much sets his own hours.
sometimes i feel like he's half dead. i feel like telling him this.
i just don't know.
anyway.
i just said, "ok, good-bye." and we hung up.
when i went to bed last night, i had a dream that i was at the family reunion with them, and that his wife came back from the dead. and i didn't know what to do with myself. i was looking to the boyfriend for answers, and he just disappeared. i was waiting to see who he would choose, like in that movie with tom hanks where he is the fed ex worker and he is on that island forever with wilson and he comes back to helen hunt and she thought he was dead and has remarried and so they talk to each other but she has moved on, i thought about that movie in my dream, i thought - will he remember that he's now in a relationship with me? in the dream i was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and her sisters, and she was having to learn how to talk again, and she couldn't remember certain words. i had made eggs but she couldn't remember the word for eggs, she turned to me and said, "you...whatever your name is, you are the one who came here with my husband, what are these called?" and i said, "they are called eggs, and my name is lucy, and he's not your husband anymore."
the thing is, the boyfriend would be so upset if he knew i was feeling this way. he loves me. i just get insecure sometimes. it's silly really.
it's especially silly to feel so threatened by a deceased wife, right? right. silly, but normal. i'd guess. is it? i don't know.
i'll tell ya, things come up, that i never expected to come up. by things, i mean feelings.
normally, i just talk to him about these things, but it's hard right now. especially surrounding this topic. but i think i have to. i want to be perfectly honest with him, and i want him to be perfectly honest with me, and i think the only way to do that is to be, well, perfectly honest, even about the ugly things in my life.
last week was a hard week. we didn't have sex at all tuesday, wednesday or thursday, and that seems like a lot to me. it's allergy season, and allergy season means allergy pills and allergy pills mean a low flying sail.
i think it's more than that though. i know because i looked up his deceased wife's obituary that it's the anniversary of her death next week, and i think maybe that has something to do with it.
i dunno.
this stuff is complex, and we're facing all of it for the first time. we'll do it. we faced their wedding anniversary head on, and i know we can face the other stuff head on. once i get him to talk, it's always fine, it's just the getting him to talk that can be a little tricky, because he never thinks he needs to.
oh, men.
oh, emotions.
oh, my incredible need to discuss everything.
i have a friend who is a grief counselor in boston. she sent me a great booklet, that i just happened to get in the mail yesterday. perfect timing. it has all kinds of wonderful information in it. one of the examples is about how women and men deal with things differently. there was a couple who's best man at their wedding committed suicide. the woman needed to talk about it, the man didn't. he would go running, and decided to train for a marathon. the more he ran, the more tired he would be, and the more tired he was, the more able he was to sleep - which was what he needed. when he was running, she missed him, which made her need to talk even greater. finally, she realized that he was running as a way to deal with his grief, and she joined a support group to talk, and cheered him on at the marathon.
hmmm.
duh, lucy, duh.
i am 41 years old, and single. i'm dating a widower with a daughter. i had no children in my life at all for the longest time other than the offspring of friends.
then, i was laid off, as i've mentioned, and out of desperation for money to live, started babysitting. babysitting became something i was really good at, something i really enjoyed though i hadn't done it since high school, and i started doing it all of the time. i started a business out of it, and started helping other unemployed people i know keep themselves afloat during this weird recession period. it can be pretty lucrative as well. i don't do it simply because it's lucrative, but that's just a fact, it is. if you can get a couple of families to share their time with you, it benefits everyone - you make more money per hour, they pay less per hour, and everyone wins. (unless they expect you to do the dishes...see previous post).
so i went from no children, to working with children and dating with children. and sometimes, it's hard. i don't remember who i am without children. only none of them are mine.
i was at a party last weekend, and there were children there, a lot of them children i'm often paid to be responsible for - only this time all parents were present, and i didn't know who i was without having to say "oh, don't touch that, oh, you need to ask for more, oh, be careful with that!" seriously, i was slightly at a loss.
i'm in this weird transition time, caught in between being single and being with family, and i'm neither. does that make sense? i basically live with the boyfriend and macy, but yet i have my own apartment too. i want to live with them, i love them. i feel like they are my family.
this weekend they are away at a family reunion for macy's mom's side of the family, and i'm back at my place. i'm happy they are doing what they need to do. i have things i need to do for me, but subconsciously, it's a struggle. i miss them. i missed macy waking me up early this morning. i miss hearing her wretched cartoons blasting incessantly from the tv and telling her to turn it off. i miss sitting with the boyfriend and reading the New York Times, and the way he smells when he comes back from running, all sweaty and manly.
i know, it's only one weekend.
i think it's amplified by the fact that i have to be on an antibiotic right now, and my body is reacting funny to it. it's making me all tired and weepy. i've had 128 ounces of cranberry juice in the past 24 hours, and it hurts when i pee (i think you know why i'm on the anti-biotic), and i'm just tired.
it's hot in my apartment and my airconditioning units aren't in. the boyfriend said i should stay at his house when he's gone, but i really do need to get stuff done at my place.
last night i went to see "the killers" with a girlfriend. it was better than i expected it to be. the posters for that film make it look completely lame, but it had some interesting twists, and was funnier than i expected.
i came home and caught up on back episodes of "the city" on mtv.com. kelly coutrone really does give good advice. she is like a fairy godmother.
i think what's really bothering me down deep inside, is the dreams i kept having last night, combined with the telephone conversation with the boyfriend before i went to bed. he called after the movie. it was sweet. he was telling me about being there, and about what i guess is his sister-in-law's family business she has. it sounds really cool. she and her husband and their two sons restore old cars. (when your wife passes, is her sister still your sister in law? i think so, he isn't sure what to call her because they've never been close.) anyway, they have this business where they restore old cars, which does sound particularly cool - especially for high school boys. they don't even drive yet, but can take apart, clean, restore, and put back together these cars. awesome. they are set as far as boys go, and having a skill like that will more than likely keep them out of trouble.
he was telling me all about it and sounded excited. he asked me about my night and what i was doing tomorrow and as i was telling him he interrupted me and said, "listen, i'm gonna get going, i'm fading fast, i'm tired." i hate it when he does that. it's so selfish. i said, "oh, am i boring you?" and he said, "no, i'm just getting tired." yeah, you're always tired lately.
i mean, he is. it's so annoying. i don't get it. he's ALWAYS tired. i know he has an 8 year old, but i basically live with them, and she doesn't make me that tired.
i can't tell if he's trying to escape, or if he is really tired, or if he's depressed, or if it's just his chemical make-up, or what's going on. i don't think it's normal to be that tired. he's a writer, so it's not like he's going to an office and putting in long grueling hours there, he pretty much sets his own hours.
sometimes i feel like he's half dead. i feel like telling him this.
i just don't know.
anyway.
i just said, "ok, good-bye." and we hung up.
when i went to bed last night, i had a dream that i was at the family reunion with them, and that his wife came back from the dead. and i didn't know what to do with myself. i was looking to the boyfriend for answers, and he just disappeared. i was waiting to see who he would choose, like in that movie with tom hanks where he is the fed ex worker and he is on that island forever with wilson and he comes back to helen hunt and she thought he was dead and has remarried and so they talk to each other but she has moved on, i thought about that movie in my dream, i thought - will he remember that he's now in a relationship with me? in the dream i was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and her sisters, and she was having to learn how to talk again, and she couldn't remember certain words. i had made eggs but she couldn't remember the word for eggs, she turned to me and said, "you...whatever your name is, you are the one who came here with my husband, what are these called?" and i said, "they are called eggs, and my name is lucy, and he's not your husband anymore."
the thing is, the boyfriend would be so upset if he knew i was feeling this way. he loves me. i just get insecure sometimes. it's silly really.
it's especially silly to feel so threatened by a deceased wife, right? right. silly, but normal. i'd guess. is it? i don't know.
i'll tell ya, things come up, that i never expected to come up. by things, i mean feelings.
normally, i just talk to him about these things, but it's hard right now. especially surrounding this topic. but i think i have to. i want to be perfectly honest with him, and i want him to be perfectly honest with me, and i think the only way to do that is to be, well, perfectly honest, even about the ugly things in my life.
last week was a hard week. we didn't have sex at all tuesday, wednesday or thursday, and that seems like a lot to me. it's allergy season, and allergy season means allergy pills and allergy pills mean a low flying sail.
i think it's more than that though. i know because i looked up his deceased wife's obituary that it's the anniversary of her death next week, and i think maybe that has something to do with it.
i dunno.
this stuff is complex, and we're facing all of it for the first time. we'll do it. we faced their wedding anniversary head on, and i know we can face the other stuff head on. once i get him to talk, it's always fine, it's just the getting him to talk that can be a little tricky, because he never thinks he needs to.
oh, men.
oh, emotions.
oh, my incredible need to discuss everything.
i have a friend who is a grief counselor in boston. she sent me a great booklet, that i just happened to get in the mail yesterday. perfect timing. it has all kinds of wonderful information in it. one of the examples is about how women and men deal with things differently. there was a couple who's best man at their wedding committed suicide. the woman needed to talk about it, the man didn't. he would go running, and decided to train for a marathon. the more he ran, the more tired he would be, and the more tired he was, the more able he was to sleep - which was what he needed. when he was running, she missed him, which made her need to talk even greater. finally, she realized that he was running as a way to deal with his grief, and she joined a support group to talk, and cheered him on at the marathon.
hmmm.
duh, lucy, duh.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
oh. really?
so. today has been a bit frustrating, to say the least. i arose at the ripe time of 6 am to get right to it. i wanted to drink coffee and eat something before i hit the road at 7, and i need an hour for my thyroid medicine to absorb into my system before i can eat, so i got up, took it, and made coffee.
i got back in bed for a bit and cuddled the boyfriend, well, because he's cute.
then i came downstairs, made coffee, and checked email. macy woke up at 6:30 and i heard her go in the boyfriend's room and look for me. she came downstairs and looked for me and came and sat with me. she was in a snotty mood though, so that wasn't much fun. i hate it when she's like that. she was all about wanting to go outside and get a bug to bring inside to put in a spider web that she found. i told her to ask her dad first as i didn't think he'd appreciate a bug being brought into the house. she flipped out and got super snotty with me. i told her i didn't appreciate that, especially so early in the morning, before my coffee. she shouted FINE. i was like - look, knock it off. i'm not saying no, i'm simply saying ask your dad. she rolled her eyes. i said, "that's the equivalent of saying snotty words."
she stormed off. i thought perhaps she was hungry. so i said, "macy, are you hungry and would you like some breakfast?" yes. "can i make it for you?" no. "do you want to wait for your dad to make it for you?" no. "are you going to make it for yourself?" no. ok. forget it. i had a full day of snotty kids ahead of me that i was going to actually get paid to watch, i wasn't going to stand there letting her be rude to me for free, so i turned and walked away as the coffee was beeping.
i passed the boyfriend on the stairs as i was heading back up to dress and said, "careful..macy's got a stick up her ass this morning." he said, "uh-oh, what did she do." i said, "oh, she's just super snotty, and i'm not in the mood for it." i kissed him, and went in the room to get dressed.
when i came out, macy was on the toilet, door open, playing a video game. "hi" she said. "hi" i said back, and went in to the sink beside her to brush my teeth. "i'm not waiting for her to finish" i thought, i'm just going to do what i need to do and get outta here before i have to deal with her any further. "i like your skirt," she said. "thanks," i said, in between toothpaste spits. "can you turn away so i can wipe please?" she asked.
i left the bathroom, still brushing. she flushed and washed her hands, and i came in to finish brushing. macy was now in her room, playing her video game. i wondered if her father had sent her upstairs. my guess was yes, usually she'd be downstairs watching tv at that time...she musta been snotty to him too. shrug. i washed my face, applied eye cream and headed downstairs.
the boyfriend made me toast and wrapped it in a paper towel so i could take it to go, and filled up my to go mug with coffee, kissed me good-bye and we talked of a later love rendevous tonight. hopefully neither of us are too tired, as he and macy are leaving for a family vacation on a jet plane tomorrow of his deceased wife's side of the family, and i won't see him for 5 days, our longest separation to date. sigh.
as a side bar, i'm quasi looking forward to some time to myself. not to being away from him, but to some time to myself, just to regroup. our love affair has been fast and furious, and i need to organize. my apartment, which i've all but moved out of, is a disaster. i don't officially live with he and macy, but spend most nights during the week there lately, and probably will this summer, and all weekends. i go to my place to visit my cats. as i was going there today, i thought, "it's like i'm my own cat sitter." ridiculous.
anyway. on to my day. i am still finishing up this regular weekly gig for mom's A and B that i referenced in a previous post, and today was the day to do it. i arrived to my position 20 minutes early, and spent some time catching up on emails on my "smart phone" in the car. i went in at the appointed time, and found out that family B wasn't coming. fine. i've already resigned myself to the fact that for the next couple of weeks i may not make the money once promised to me, and i don't care anymore - i'm finishing up my duties with them and high tailing it out of there.
today though, reached a new low.
normally at this position, i have four children ages 4 and under (one 4 year old, two 2 year olds, and one 6 month old). the 4 year old is potty trained, the others are all in diapers.
i'm there in a four hour shift. we do a variety of activities while i'm there. the home i sit in is a four story town home (lots of fours in this story - four stories, four children, four hours, a four year old child...), with three different levels to play on, lots of staircases to go up and down. there is an outside space to play in, also on three levels, with three metal staircases to climb. lots of places to potentially fall, lots of diapers to change, lots of little toy pieces to keep out of little mouths, lots of personalities to balance.
i tell you all of this simply to set the stage: i'm a hands on sitter. i don't sit on the couch and watch tv, i interact. if the child is going up the stairs, i follow the child to make sure he or she doesn't fall. i can tell you every the children touched while i was there so if there is a missing piece, i know whether or not they swallowed it. if they are eating, i am watching every bite so there is no choking. children don't sit in a wet diaper on my watch.
again. four children, three of them in diapers on this shift.
so, today during snack time, the four-year old says to me, "lucy, my mommy said that i'm supposed to tell you that you're supposed to start washing the dishes when you're here. mommy says that she's tired of coming home after you've been here and there is a big mess. mommy says lucy is messy and that she wants you to start cleaning up better. mommy says you always make a big mess." oh. really.
um. well. 4 year old kid. lemme tell you a couple o'things. 1) your mom is on crack. that's right. crack cocaine. 2) i wash the dishes every fucking week i'm here, all of the dishes that we use that is. 3) perhaps your mom doesn't like coming home to see all of the breakfast dishes that she has left piled up on the sink. yeah, that's right, that sucks. dirty dishes are a pain in the ass, kiddo, but somebody's gotta clean them, and if she'd like me to do it, then perhaps she should say, "oh lucy, by the way, could you please add cleaning my kitchen to your duties IF YOU HAVE ANY TIME WHILE YOU ARE MAKING SURE THAT FOUR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 4 DON'T KILL THEMSELVES OR EACH OTHER OR CHOKE TO DEATH? thanks. 4) i have, on occasion when there has been opportunity and everybody has been safe, cleaned your mother's kitchen for her. she didn't thank me, nor offer to reimburse me at all, so dear 4-year old child, where is the motivation for me to do it again? 5) if your mother would like a maid, she should hire one. 6) and this is the most important, if your crack-head mother would like to tell me something, she should tell me herself, not tell you.
seriously. what is wrong with people? actually, i'm sure how it happened is that she probably said it outloud once or something, and this child is repeating what she heard. at least that's how i hope it happened. the thing is, this kid told me no less than 5 times to "wash the dishes." i finally said, "i need for you to understand two things - are you listening, because they are REALLY important. are you listening? 1) i'm in charge. you don't ever tell me what to do, so don't tell me again. got it? say ok so i know you understand. 2) i already washed the dishes, and i have every single time i come here, so nobody ever needs to tell me that ever again. you can tell anybody you need to, ok?" ok she said.
and i'm sure she did. she tells her mom EVERYTHING. she's like a verbal video recorder.
i don't care. the thing is, like i said, her mom is nice, at least i'd like to believe she is.
maybe it's me. maybe i'm just over this. i just feel taken advantage of a bit, and when that happens, i'm done.
d.o.n.e. done.
i got back in bed for a bit and cuddled the boyfriend, well, because he's cute.
then i came downstairs, made coffee, and checked email. macy woke up at 6:30 and i heard her go in the boyfriend's room and look for me. she came downstairs and looked for me and came and sat with me. she was in a snotty mood though, so that wasn't much fun. i hate it when she's like that. she was all about wanting to go outside and get a bug to bring inside to put in a spider web that she found. i told her to ask her dad first as i didn't think he'd appreciate a bug being brought into the house. she flipped out and got super snotty with me. i told her i didn't appreciate that, especially so early in the morning, before my coffee. she shouted FINE. i was like - look, knock it off. i'm not saying no, i'm simply saying ask your dad. she rolled her eyes. i said, "that's the equivalent of saying snotty words."
she stormed off. i thought perhaps she was hungry. so i said, "macy, are you hungry and would you like some breakfast?" yes. "can i make it for you?" no. "do you want to wait for your dad to make it for you?" no. "are you going to make it for yourself?" no. ok. forget it. i had a full day of snotty kids ahead of me that i was going to actually get paid to watch, i wasn't going to stand there letting her be rude to me for free, so i turned and walked away as the coffee was beeping.
i passed the boyfriend on the stairs as i was heading back up to dress and said, "careful..macy's got a stick up her ass this morning." he said, "uh-oh, what did she do." i said, "oh, she's just super snotty, and i'm not in the mood for it." i kissed him, and went in the room to get dressed.
when i came out, macy was on the toilet, door open, playing a video game. "hi" she said. "hi" i said back, and went in to the sink beside her to brush my teeth. "i'm not waiting for her to finish" i thought, i'm just going to do what i need to do and get outta here before i have to deal with her any further. "i like your skirt," she said. "thanks," i said, in between toothpaste spits. "can you turn away so i can wipe please?" she asked.
i left the bathroom, still brushing. she flushed and washed her hands, and i came in to finish brushing. macy was now in her room, playing her video game. i wondered if her father had sent her upstairs. my guess was yes, usually she'd be downstairs watching tv at that time...she musta been snotty to him too. shrug. i washed my face, applied eye cream and headed downstairs.
the boyfriend made me toast and wrapped it in a paper towel so i could take it to go, and filled up my to go mug with coffee, kissed me good-bye and we talked of a later love rendevous tonight. hopefully neither of us are too tired, as he and macy are leaving for a family vacation on a jet plane tomorrow of his deceased wife's side of the family, and i won't see him for 5 days, our longest separation to date. sigh.
as a side bar, i'm quasi looking forward to some time to myself. not to being away from him, but to some time to myself, just to regroup. our love affair has been fast and furious, and i need to organize. my apartment, which i've all but moved out of, is a disaster. i don't officially live with he and macy, but spend most nights during the week there lately, and probably will this summer, and all weekends. i go to my place to visit my cats. as i was going there today, i thought, "it's like i'm my own cat sitter." ridiculous.
anyway. on to my day. i am still finishing up this regular weekly gig for mom's A and B that i referenced in a previous post, and today was the day to do it. i arrived to my position 20 minutes early, and spent some time catching up on emails on my "smart phone" in the car. i went in at the appointed time, and found out that family B wasn't coming. fine. i've already resigned myself to the fact that for the next couple of weeks i may not make the money once promised to me, and i don't care anymore - i'm finishing up my duties with them and high tailing it out of there.
today though, reached a new low.
normally at this position, i have four children ages 4 and under (one 4 year old, two 2 year olds, and one 6 month old). the 4 year old is potty trained, the others are all in diapers.
i'm there in a four hour shift. we do a variety of activities while i'm there. the home i sit in is a four story town home (lots of fours in this story - four stories, four children, four hours, a four year old child...), with three different levels to play on, lots of staircases to go up and down. there is an outside space to play in, also on three levels, with three metal staircases to climb. lots of places to potentially fall, lots of diapers to change, lots of little toy pieces to keep out of little mouths, lots of personalities to balance.
i tell you all of this simply to set the stage: i'm a hands on sitter. i don't sit on the couch and watch tv, i interact. if the child is going up the stairs, i follow the child to make sure he or she doesn't fall. i can tell you every the children touched while i was there so if there is a missing piece, i know whether or not they swallowed it. if they are eating, i am watching every bite so there is no choking. children don't sit in a wet diaper on my watch.
again. four children, three of them in diapers on this shift.
so, today during snack time, the four-year old says to me, "lucy, my mommy said that i'm supposed to tell you that you're supposed to start washing the dishes when you're here. mommy says that she's tired of coming home after you've been here and there is a big mess. mommy says lucy is messy and that she wants you to start cleaning up better. mommy says you always make a big mess." oh. really.
um. well. 4 year old kid. lemme tell you a couple o'things. 1) your mom is on crack. that's right. crack cocaine. 2) i wash the dishes every fucking week i'm here, all of the dishes that we use that is. 3) perhaps your mom doesn't like coming home to see all of the breakfast dishes that she has left piled up on the sink. yeah, that's right, that sucks. dirty dishes are a pain in the ass, kiddo, but somebody's gotta clean them, and if she'd like me to do it, then perhaps she should say, "oh lucy, by the way, could you please add cleaning my kitchen to your duties IF YOU HAVE ANY TIME WHILE YOU ARE MAKING SURE THAT FOUR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 4 DON'T KILL THEMSELVES OR EACH OTHER OR CHOKE TO DEATH? thanks. 4) i have, on occasion when there has been opportunity and everybody has been safe, cleaned your mother's kitchen for her. she didn't thank me, nor offer to reimburse me at all, so dear 4-year old child, where is the motivation for me to do it again? 5) if your mother would like a maid, she should hire one. 6) and this is the most important, if your crack-head mother would like to tell me something, she should tell me herself, not tell you.
seriously. what is wrong with people? actually, i'm sure how it happened is that she probably said it outloud once or something, and this child is repeating what she heard. at least that's how i hope it happened. the thing is, this kid told me no less than 5 times to "wash the dishes." i finally said, "i need for you to understand two things - are you listening, because they are REALLY important. are you listening? 1) i'm in charge. you don't ever tell me what to do, so don't tell me again. got it? say ok so i know you understand. 2) i already washed the dishes, and i have every single time i come here, so nobody ever needs to tell me that ever again. you can tell anybody you need to, ok?" ok she said.
and i'm sure she did. she tells her mom EVERYTHING. she's like a verbal video recorder.
i don't care. the thing is, like i said, her mom is nice, at least i'd like to believe she is.
maybe it's me. maybe i'm just over this. i just feel taken advantage of a bit, and when that happens, i'm done.
d.o.n.e. done.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
My Nail Polish has Chipped into the Shape of the State of Texas
For real. On the index finger of my left hand. It hasn't chipped any further, it's just sitting there, in the shape of Texas. I see this as some type of omen of sorts - that perhaps I should start a one woman human freak show. Other things I could charge to see: wiggling my ears, raising one eyebrow, touching my tongue to my nose, fitting my entire fist into my mouth, my double-jointed fingers, crossing one eye, bending my wrist so that my thumb can lie flat on my inner arm, and sitting and putting my ankle behind my head. To say I'm flexible is an understatement I suppose. If I charged a quarter per "talent", including the State of Texas - I could make $2.25 per customer. Not too shabby.
So, I'm learning a lot in my days of unemployment/employment as a nanny. It's surreal at times. To say I'm unemployed is a falsity. I have 8 regular "jobs" per week + pick up gigs. It's just that to now work as a babysitter/nanny from working as an assistant for a tv personality, well, it feels like unemployment, and my bank account would agree. For a while I collected an unemployment check from the government, until one of the jobs that I took was "legit" and I started working for a real company as opposed to babysitting like a high school student, and I started reporting income, and then I felt as though I shouldn't be collecting unemployment any longer, even though my mother says that I'm still entitled to it. I dunno. I struggle with this.
Anyway. I have this one family in particular that I sit for that I like a lot. The mom is very nice, a seemingly very sincere woman with two adorable children 3 and under when I started sitting for them. We'll call them Family A for the sake of anonymity. Around the holidays, she had a third bundle of joy. Family A introduced me to Family B during a large group babysitting job that I did for them. The mom of Family B seemed nice as well, though her children were not so nice. They were equally as cute as the children of Family A, but horribly behaved. Whatever, what are you going to do - these kids are 3 and under, so to a certain extent, it is what it is. The mom of Family B asked me for my contact information as she often needs a sitter. Great, I'll take all the jobs I can get.
So, Mom B contacts me, "Hey Lucy - here are a bunch of dates I need, blah blah blah blah blah, oh and here is what we pay: ridiculously low rate when the kiddos are awake, and even lower ridiculously low rate when they are sleeping. Let me know if these dates work for you." Um - what? Ha. That's a joke, right? So I read it again to ensure I was reading correctly, and yep, I was. I decided right then and there that I'd NEVER be sitting for Family B. I have always been "otherwise engaged" when Family B has asked, but have thanked them for asking. I have never in my entire life, even in Jr. High and High School been paid a different rate to watch somebody's children when they are sleeping. One doesn't pay for child care by whether or not the child is awake or asleep - one should be paying for child care based on the fact that somebody competent is there ensuring that your child/children are safe and well cared for and able to handle an emergency should, God forbid, one arise. My time is my time, regardless of whether or not your children are asleep or awake, and if you can't see it like that, well then, find somebody else. I didn't feel it was my place to set her straight on this, I just politely declined each and every time, and made it my own personal policy not to sit for her.
So, flash forward to a couple of months ago. Family A contacts me and asks me if I'd like to sit for them regularly one morning a week for 4 hours, as Mom A is going back to work part-time. Great I say, I'd love it. It's followed up with an email "Oh, and so Mom B says she'll also bring her kids over, and we'll pay you x amount." Ugh. So I'm roped into babysitting once a week for Mom B after all. I had a bad feeling about it once Mom B was involved, but I'd already committed to the time, so I couldn't exactly back out now - what would my excuse be? So I agree to the x rate, which was more than fair.
So we start the sitting, and it goes ok. Several weeks go by, and all parties are there, and x is paid and all is fine.
But then Mom B isn't there, and nobody talks to me ahead of time about my rate being different when Mom B isn't there during that time, and my time is used just like our verbal agreement suggested it would be, and I'm not paid x. Hmmm...weird. I'm paid x minus a significant amount. But the next week everyone is there again and x is paid.
Then the next week comes and I have another opportunity to sit someplace else, making the same x amount as I make at my Moms A/B gig. I often have this same opportunity on the same morning that I've agreed to sit for Moms A/B and I've had to decline because of this arrangement that I've made with the Moms. But on this particular week, the evening before I'm to sit, I get an email from Mom A, "Hi Lucy, sorry to have to do this to you, but my kids are sick, and I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow - I'm sure Mom B will still need you I've copied her on this email, I'll leave it to the two of you to figure out." ARGH! Now, I'm totally stuck sitting for Mom B's kid, which goes against my personal policy.
My other personal policy in babysitting is to not cancel on people. The boyfriend has Macy, and I know what it's like to be cancelled on, and it's not fun. I don't do it unless it's an emergency, so I know that I'm not going to cancel on Mom B, I also know that I've got to set a firm boundary so she understands that I'm not accepting her ridiculously low rate. She replies to Mom A's email right away, telling me - great, I can watch her son at her house because she has several clients scheduled (she's also works during that morning each week).
I decide to just boldly go for it. I reply to both of them and say, "Mom A - so sorry that your children are sick, I hope everybody feels better. We've never talked about a cancellation policy, perhaps now would be an appropriate time to do so, as I gave up another opportunity to keep my commitment here. Mom B, I'm happy to come to your house - my rate for one child is: y. Let me know if that works for you and I'll see you in the morning."
Mom A replies that yes, we should discuss a cancellation policy. Mom B replies that the rate will be fine as now it's too late to cancel her clients. I know Mom B felt that I had her by the balls, but I'm sorry lady, you can't underpay, it's not like I'm watching something unimportant here - it's your child.
As a side bar, that's one thing I really don't understand about people. I really don't. People will pay all kinds of money to have their hair done, or their cars detailed, their nails done, designer clothing, whatever - but come to childcare - CHILDCARE, their children, and some people are so cheap! I mean, shouldn't you be paying the most for childcare?
Don't get me wrong, I'm ALL about getting my nails done, and designer clothing, and getting my car detailed and all that stuff (um, when I had money, smile) - but if I had a child of my own, I would NOT skimp on childcare. I don't with Macy, and she's not even mine.
This baffles me. It really does. I'm am seriously a good babysitter. I am super anal retentive. I'm am super safety dog good. And I'm not just saying that. I am fun, engaging, I will teach your child manners, how to read, how to cook, I will clean your house during their nap or after they go to bed, in all honesty, I am a really good sitter, and so to try to pay me poorly, or any sitter poorly who is watching your precious children? I'm sorry, I just do NOT get it.
Anyway, the end of this very long and probably boring story to you by now is this: I lost the job. Sorta. Basically, Mom A, who like I said, is sincere, she said that over the summer she and Mom B would be traveling a lot and so some weeks it might just be Mom A and some weeks it might just be Mom B, and would I prefer it if I just sat for the whole crew and came back in September? So I said sure. I can't deal with being underpaid. Plus, they made a verbal arrangement for x per hour for 4 hours, and aren't paying me that. It just doesn't seem fair. She was super thoughtful about it, really. She said that she knows that I have a lot of other families that I sit for, and she is giving me an opportunity to do that over the summer.
The unfortunate thing is, that I really do like Mom A a lot. I'm sure Mom B is a nice enough person, she just pays poorly. I wish I could be honest and say to Mom A - I'd love to sit for you this summer, I just can't be underpaid by Mom B, but that won't work, they are like best friends, and it would be really REALLY inappropriate of me to tell her that her bestie is a cheapskate.
In all honesty, if I had me as a sitter, I'd just pay me the x per hour and keep me through the summer and not risk that I find another job and can't come back in September, because in all honesty, that's the risk they are taking.
Now that I think of it though, perhaps Mom A knows her bestie is a cheapskate...maybe Mom A could pay me x on her weeks, but knows that Mom B wouldn't, or couldn't. Maybe she's not a cheapskate at all, maybe she has some financial situation I know nothing of.
So, anyway, here's to hoping that I find another job.
I think it will all work out fine.
And if not, I'll go to the pool with Macy.
So, I'm learning a lot in my days of unemployment/employment as a nanny. It's surreal at times. To say I'm unemployed is a falsity. I have 8 regular "jobs" per week + pick up gigs. It's just that to now work as a babysitter/nanny from working as an assistant for a tv personality, well, it feels like unemployment, and my bank account would agree. For a while I collected an unemployment check from the government, until one of the jobs that I took was "legit" and I started working for a real company as opposed to babysitting like a high school student, and I started reporting income, and then I felt as though I shouldn't be collecting unemployment any longer, even though my mother says that I'm still entitled to it. I dunno. I struggle with this.
Anyway. I have this one family in particular that I sit for that I like a lot. The mom is very nice, a seemingly very sincere woman with two adorable children 3 and under when I started sitting for them. We'll call them Family A for the sake of anonymity. Around the holidays, she had a third bundle of joy. Family A introduced me to Family B during a large group babysitting job that I did for them. The mom of Family B seemed nice as well, though her children were not so nice. They were equally as cute as the children of Family A, but horribly behaved. Whatever, what are you going to do - these kids are 3 and under, so to a certain extent, it is what it is. The mom of Family B asked me for my contact information as she often needs a sitter. Great, I'll take all the jobs I can get.
So, Mom B contacts me, "Hey Lucy - here are a bunch of dates I need, blah blah blah blah blah, oh and here is what we pay: ridiculously low rate when the kiddos are awake, and even lower ridiculously low rate when they are sleeping. Let me know if these dates work for you." Um - what? Ha. That's a joke, right? So I read it again to ensure I was reading correctly, and yep, I was. I decided right then and there that I'd NEVER be sitting for Family B. I have always been "otherwise engaged" when Family B has asked, but have thanked them for asking. I have never in my entire life, even in Jr. High and High School been paid a different rate to watch somebody's children when they are sleeping. One doesn't pay for child care by whether or not the child is awake or asleep - one should be paying for child care based on the fact that somebody competent is there ensuring that your child/children are safe and well cared for and able to handle an emergency should, God forbid, one arise. My time is my time, regardless of whether or not your children are asleep or awake, and if you can't see it like that, well then, find somebody else. I didn't feel it was my place to set her straight on this, I just politely declined each and every time, and made it my own personal policy not to sit for her.
So, flash forward to a couple of months ago. Family A contacts me and asks me if I'd like to sit for them regularly one morning a week for 4 hours, as Mom A is going back to work part-time. Great I say, I'd love it. It's followed up with an email "Oh, and so Mom B says she'll also bring her kids over, and we'll pay you x amount." Ugh. So I'm roped into babysitting once a week for Mom B after all. I had a bad feeling about it once Mom B was involved, but I'd already committed to the time, so I couldn't exactly back out now - what would my excuse be? So I agree to the x rate, which was more than fair.
So we start the sitting, and it goes ok. Several weeks go by, and all parties are there, and x is paid and all is fine.
But then Mom B isn't there, and nobody talks to me ahead of time about my rate being different when Mom B isn't there during that time, and my time is used just like our verbal agreement suggested it would be, and I'm not paid x. Hmmm...weird. I'm paid x minus a significant amount. But the next week everyone is there again and x is paid.
Then the next week comes and I have another opportunity to sit someplace else, making the same x amount as I make at my Moms A/B gig. I often have this same opportunity on the same morning that I've agreed to sit for Moms A/B and I've had to decline because of this arrangement that I've made with the Moms. But on this particular week, the evening before I'm to sit, I get an email from Mom A, "Hi Lucy, sorry to have to do this to you, but my kids are sick, and I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow - I'm sure Mom B will still need you I've copied her on this email, I'll leave it to the two of you to figure out." ARGH! Now, I'm totally stuck sitting for Mom B's kid, which goes against my personal policy.
My other personal policy in babysitting is to not cancel on people. The boyfriend has Macy, and I know what it's like to be cancelled on, and it's not fun. I don't do it unless it's an emergency, so I know that I'm not going to cancel on Mom B, I also know that I've got to set a firm boundary so she understands that I'm not accepting her ridiculously low rate. She replies to Mom A's email right away, telling me - great, I can watch her son at her house because she has several clients scheduled (she's also works during that morning each week).
I decide to just boldly go for it. I reply to both of them and say, "Mom A - so sorry that your children are sick, I hope everybody feels better. We've never talked about a cancellation policy, perhaps now would be an appropriate time to do so, as I gave up another opportunity to keep my commitment here. Mom B, I'm happy to come to your house - my rate for one child is: y. Let me know if that works for you and I'll see you in the morning."
Mom A replies that yes, we should discuss a cancellation policy. Mom B replies that the rate will be fine as now it's too late to cancel her clients. I know Mom B felt that I had her by the balls, but I'm sorry lady, you can't underpay, it's not like I'm watching something unimportant here - it's your child.
As a side bar, that's one thing I really don't understand about people. I really don't. People will pay all kinds of money to have their hair done, or their cars detailed, their nails done, designer clothing, whatever - but come to childcare - CHILDCARE, their children, and some people are so cheap! I mean, shouldn't you be paying the most for childcare?
Don't get me wrong, I'm ALL about getting my nails done, and designer clothing, and getting my car detailed and all that stuff (um, when I had money, smile) - but if I had a child of my own, I would NOT skimp on childcare. I don't with Macy, and she's not even mine.
This baffles me. It really does. I'm am seriously a good babysitter. I am super anal retentive. I'm am super safety dog good. And I'm not just saying that. I am fun, engaging, I will teach your child manners, how to read, how to cook, I will clean your house during their nap or after they go to bed, in all honesty, I am a really good sitter, and so to try to pay me poorly, or any sitter poorly who is watching your precious children? I'm sorry, I just do NOT get it.
Anyway, the end of this very long and probably boring story to you by now is this: I lost the job. Sorta. Basically, Mom A, who like I said, is sincere, she said that over the summer she and Mom B would be traveling a lot and so some weeks it might just be Mom A and some weeks it might just be Mom B, and would I prefer it if I just sat for the whole crew and came back in September? So I said sure. I can't deal with being underpaid. Plus, they made a verbal arrangement for x per hour for 4 hours, and aren't paying me that. It just doesn't seem fair. She was super thoughtful about it, really. She said that she knows that I have a lot of other families that I sit for, and she is giving me an opportunity to do that over the summer.
The unfortunate thing is, that I really do like Mom A a lot. I'm sure Mom B is a nice enough person, she just pays poorly. I wish I could be honest and say to Mom A - I'd love to sit for you this summer, I just can't be underpaid by Mom B, but that won't work, they are like best friends, and it would be really REALLY inappropriate of me to tell her that her bestie is a cheapskate.
In all honesty, if I had me as a sitter, I'd just pay me the x per hour and keep me through the summer and not risk that I find another job and can't come back in September, because in all honesty, that's the risk they are taking.
Now that I think of it though, perhaps Mom A knows her bestie is a cheapskate...maybe Mom A could pay me x on her weeks, but knows that Mom B wouldn't, or couldn't. Maybe she's not a cheapskate at all, maybe she has some financial situation I know nothing of.
So, anyway, here's to hoping that I find another job.
I think it will all work out fine.
And if not, I'll go to the pool with Macy.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Congratulations - Chidelia!
You're the winner of the "Going Away Shoes" short story collection contest as part of "The Giveaway Project" as sponsored by Fiction Writer's Review.
To receive the copy of your book, please contact Lucy Blue at beforetherewerechildren@gmail.com and we can work out all of the details to get you your prize.
Thanks for reading BEFORE THERE WERE CHILDREN and please spread the word about this blog!
Lucy Blue
To receive the copy of your book, please contact Lucy Blue at beforetherewerechildren@gmail.com and we can work out all of the details to get you your prize.
Thanks for reading BEFORE THERE WERE CHILDREN and please spread the word about this blog!
Lucy Blue
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