back to school

well, it's been a long summer. much different than i anticipated. it went so fast! too fast. i anticipated lots and lots of time with macy. i feel like i didn't get that much. i don't really know where the time went, honestly. i feel like i blinked, and 2 1/2 months passed like that.

i spent a lot of time with other people's children. too much time actually. a gig all day mondays, a gig monday night. an all day gig tuesdays that morphs into tuesday nights. a wednesday gig, a thursday gig, a different thursday night gig. occasionally a friday gig.

i thought i'd have a ton of money after the summer. but i don't. not at all. people cancel at the last minute. the babysitting world is a weird world. i see both sides of the coin - i am a sitter for so many people, yet we also hire sitters for macy. i swear, i'd love to be my sitter. i bake for my sitters. i ensure we have their favorite drink on hand. we either make dinner for them, have something special for them to eat, or leave them money to order something for dinner. you'd be amazed how many homes i go into that have NOTHING for me to eat. nothing. and i'm there for like 8 hours, or over the course of a meal time. people are not very considerate to their sitters.

anyway. i could go on and on about it.

it's redonk really. i mean, i'm reduced at this point in my life to applying to working in grocery stores and big box stores because they have good insurance programs. really? yes, really.

the boyfriend and i are still talking about getting married. i know - you're thinking "talking", why not doing. well, we've progressed. my stuff has started to move in. it's an emotional process, for both of us. in order for me to move my stuff in, a lot of old stuff has to move out - and that is hard. also, it's harder for me than i thought it would be. we put my duvee on his bed the other day, and i was like - wow, this is real. i'm not going to be living in my apartment anymore. i was kind of sad. not in a way that i want to go back and live there, i don't, i want to be with him. it feels good and right to be with him for the rest of my life, starting from yesterday's moment forward, so that isn't what i mean - it's just the closing of that single chapter that makes me a bit nostalgic. we have been planning where all of my furniture will go, and which things of his will be gotten rid of. today we talked about what kind of a ring i want. weird. it's really happening.

mostly, it's macy that i'm still adjusting to. honestly, sometimes she's such a brat. like. seriously. tonight for instance, is a perfect example. macy turned 9 over the summer. happy birthday macy. we had a blowout party for her, it was stellar. she had the best time ever. seriously. it was so fun, that it made my friends who don't have kids think that they could actually do it when they saw the photos on facebook. anyway, back to tonight. she went home from school with a friend, and that friend's mom took them out for a sushi dinner. macy loves sushi, it's her favorite food. we got a free night, so we also went out to dinner. yay us. so we go to pick her up, and on the way home she convinces her dad to get her a slurpee because it's "slurpee wednesday". her dad, the boyfriend, says "are you sure you want a slurpee because lucy and i are getting ice cream cones, wouldn't you rather just have an ice cream cone?" macy insists she'd rather have the slurpee, giving some long drawn out explanation as to why she doesn't need ice cream, blah blah blah...so we stop and get her the slurpee and drive on to the ice cream shop.

once we arrive at the ice cream shop, she decides she has changed her mind, and is ready to abandon the slurpee for ice cream. her dad says no. she is adamant this is what she's doing, and becomes a tad beligerent when he won't allow her to do it. macy tries to talk her way out of/into anything, and she goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ON about this. he doesn't stop her, just patiently keeps telling her no. she's on my last nerve after about the 10th time she asks. she finally says, "well then, i'm throwing this slurpee on the ground and getting and ice cream cone!" i finally step in and say "look macy, #1, if you are done with your slurpee, go throw it away in the garbage, not on the ground - that's littering. #2, stop complaining, your dad gave you the choice and you chose the slurpee, so stop complaining already! enough is enough!"

she turned around and went outside of the ice cream shop to wait on the benches outside. the boyfriend thought that he shouldn't get ice cream because it would make her feel bad. i said, "look, if you give in to her pouting, you will only teach her to continue to do it. get ice cream!" so we both got a cone and went outside and sat with her, as she sat with her back to us, facing the wall, pouting. the boyfriend offered her a bite of his cone. she took three. then she turned to me and said, "lucy, can i have a bite of yours?" "no," i said. "why not?" she asked. "because," i answered, "when i asked you for a bite of your slurpee you said no, so you can't have any of my ice cream now." "oh," she said, "do you want some of my slurpee now?" "no thanks," i repied. "suit yourself," she retorted, "i gave you a chance."

i sat there seething. knowing that i wasn't handling it right, and hating her just a little bit.

macy has a certain way of ruining everything. for me anyway. she is manipuative. she regresses when necessary and acts like a baby. the boyfriend and i will be having a terrific time, macy sees it and raises her arms in the air like a tiny baby and says in a childlike voice, "daddy...huggy?" that drives me bonkers. sometimes she doesn't even bother to say the words, she just stops what she's doing - be it reading, eating, running, anything, and stands with her arms in the air with this pathetic, controlling look on her face, bouncing, waiting for her father to come running into her arms for an embrace. when i'm there i break the moment by saying, "use your words, macy."